More than Imagination

lol. Although you're mostly in my head, there is more tangible talk in the digital media. Both in my head and through information trafficking, I have always had a hard time in believing or knowing something. Over time, I can be convinced of something enough, but I usually question a lot of what I see. With the things I do pick up on, you seem so warm. Mostly, anyway. Even though we have a pretend marriage and "pregnancy," you look like you're still being a player. Back in the day, in my own fun and games and not understanding the trafficking world and info, I picked on some guys as "being a baby in the womb." The guy isn't born yet. I see the Stockholm, or his arab-minded male dominant relationship, The Police "Every breathe you take," but he isn't physically there to have the literal conversation or come on. I have a lot of different labels and names I've given men through the years. It never seemed the normal boyfriend/ girlfriend relationship. I can play pretend so long until I question how much I kid myself, and how much of a real reality my life is. If the guy isn't literally and physically in my life after so long, I sometimes give up on the pretend relationship. I just don't know what to do sometimes when I get approached by a guy I could give a chance to who is really there, and what I should do. Some guys are easy to write off where some people do just lie and say they're married or gay, but fibbing comes easier with some than others. Right now, I'm stuck on you enough where I could just keep saying I have a boyfriend and am "seeing someone," but I don't know how much you will fade or become more of a reality. I did pick up on some signs last night. The good news is that you're not anywhere close to subjecting me to someone, but I do feel threatened by the idea that not only you want someone else, but who the someone else's are. Right now, it looks like Stacy, Jade, Katie, Becky, and whatever other random women. I'm indifferent with Jade, but the others are pretty serious enemies. Maybe you are being careless, or maybe you have some kind of terrible game going on where you could be wanting to trick or cheat me. I'm not liking the paranoia of it. Some kind of crack head prejudice with you and them against me? I hate to say it or ask it, but I just don't know what you are up to. I don't think you would force me into doing drugs, but I feel you could be weakening me into you. You're pretty warm at least. It isn't an ugly Mary Jane picture. I'm not sure if Ashton is coming onto me again too. I don't want to be in anymore trouble than what I'm already in. I'll be thinking of you, Colin.