What hell

God, I hate my life.

I'm assuming that right now, my past work experience is probably being examined through a microscope.
I really do not care what people say, I still label myself as an unliked cunt that suffers from chaos and unreasonableness. I think there are obsessed people who are relentless in calling me worthless that fail to see my reality for what it is. I think people are mad that I trust and like myself better, and that they do not get much satisfaction when they harass me to no end. Sure, they could have some adequate calls, but I still see an extreme imbalance of socialism as a whole.
I still suffer from bad judgement and people telling me how to live my life when it isn't relevant to work.

The National. This band reminds me of my pastor that used to be at the church I went to before I moved to Oklahoma. I really do not want to get involved in any religious groups, but him and his family are people I would not mind hearing from when I see matrix people. Maybe he has some more truth and/or confirmation to give. I would want them to have a good protected well-being, but like I said, I don't want any religious conversation. I appreciate him to this day, because even though I am not religious, he was intelligent and balanced enough to see authoritarianism and spanish inquisitions although he wasn't very verbal. He spoke a lot of preachings against condemnation and was in favor of freedom, grace, and acceptance.
I think his cat might have been at one of my workplaces that I passed through quickly. It was not specifically to his offense, but I did feel a slight possessive vibe from him that was included from the overall possessive and slaving management he worked among.

I ran into a guy that I went on a couple of dates with a couple of years ago. My final impression is a more believed idea of relationships and communism. He tried to call me a hooker just because I went on a date with him.
He invited me.
He payed for dinner.
I was not interested in him, and he called me a hooker and said I used him for a free meal.
I elaborate on my communisitic idea of relationships where it seems as if "status," is only judged by people that people are in relationships with and what is said about them. He had an issue that I was not interested in him, he wanted to paint the picture where I am the one with the problem because I am a "hooker." He really is good looking. There is just something about him that I didn't like.

I can see how people would want to call me a hooker now concerning the media and tv, but I really don't care. I've been ignored and used too much, if I'm going to suffer, I don't care if I'm seen as the world's biggest asshole.

Even though I get livid at being told what to do or criticised for being myself, I will probably watch the shows anyway to keep up to an extent with some info.

Crafts crafts crafts. This thought isn't room for people to tell me what to do, I'm just thinking out loud. I'm making mistakes and learning in this area as well. I have experienced times before that I have made a lot of time and effort in a craft project. I experimented with a new material last night in making mosaics. It turns out that my original clay is a better material than this new plaster I am using. What a wasted project. Had the plaster been better, it would have looked nice. I'm still going to take the time to save some money by cleaning off all of the beads to make the same mosaic with the original clay. Since I cannot yet find another clay, I think I'm going to have to experiment with a different sealant. The sealant I use now really isn't that bad, but it is still slighty gluelike after my work has been out for weeks to airdry.

~chirp~tweet~

I thought the CNN video blog was interesting and comical. I really don't know how to take many people these days. Sometimes I second guess with taking someone serious or in humor. But, I loved thinking about the space idea.
I have made some jokes and even art about space, but for someone to accurately take me seriously with the space issue is something that is debatable.
It brings the question of the fact of "settling." Some people know what settling means more than what they think. It is a cause of a lot of wars afterall.
Things are not looking good and to especially have to hear extremism like that from the people who have taught me themselves. They were the ones who enlightened me with a sense of reasonable balance. I really did use to be a very religious and spiritual person. That school brought so much sense into my world concerning faith and living in the real world.
I think it is sad that some wars and battles go so far concerning religions and faith, but of all of the people I would look up to the most when it comes to having a reasonable and balanced perspective, it would be the leaders at ORU.
I hate to feel like my life is on the line for what I believe in and for my faith. I hate that the unbalanced and thoughtless leaders are the ones who are relentless in trying to prove they are entitled to anything and everything they want. I hate the blame game, and I don't want to make a bigger battle over it than what it already is, but I do blame the irrational, disrespectful, and extremely entitled in this instance. Even a person who is a Christian can still fall under the irrational and disrespectful category.
I know I have been disrespectful myself, but my disrespect goes to the people I feel are cheaters and irrational. People should be respected for who they individually are. And in that, their boundaries should be respected. I think the idea of subjects and servants and prisoners !(and only "prisoners" for the reason that they refused to be enslaved and controlled by others)! should be completely erased.

I can see how some drama can be devastating. I see how some drama can ruin relationships as a whole. At the same time, I still like the idea of being a libertarian. Why must a person exactly "fit in" with a group? Why can't people decide for themselves and communicate to others how much some passion means and whether or not they are passionate at all? After that, why can't it be respected? If it can't be respected, why can't people make effort to resolve differences, separate, or find some sort of solution?
I think it is lazy when people don't put enough effort and choose either suffering or warring against another. I also think it is wrong and selfish that if the issue is not resolved to hold on to the person. People need to let go when it is established that things will not be resolved. People need to stop slaving others around and be possessive and act like the other person is at their "mercy."
There is always a rightful time and place for some justice and law. But there are other times when I do not think some drama should be blown out of proportion. Then goes the cliched saying ~All is fair in love and war~ huff.