Dr. Jack, they're killing me.

Dropping in and feeling embarrassed in my soap box... whether or not you have the time to listen to me and my drama.... I'm lost with today's arbitrage and messages too. I think David wants to keep playing me more and this time it is having a share or two with his ex wife. It can only fuel my fire against him more with the way he wants to keep me played like that. I really feel he is just another Mr. Smith tyrant that adds to the totalitarianism in my past life for as long as I can remember. I feel it is Jon and Jim who have always been the biggest tyrants and totalitarians of it all. It is like I will be talking to a brick wall the rest of my life only to be greeted by the next Mr. Smith tyrant who wants to outsmart, or out rig me with other strategies.... The serious insensitivity of it all has been more than I can bear and drives me insane. What part of "no," didn't some men understand for the last time, a long time ago? David is another man who makes me feel like one of the most ignored women in the world for the things he doesn't understand and most basic concepts he can't get. .... Jack, I would greatly assume that you are one to believe in monogamy. Even if you didn't, you do not make me feel disturbed with your will to live vs. my will to live. I don't know where you presently stand in thinking about relationships. While I'm still not much impressed with the piggishness and unfairness of Don Drapers, I'd feel the most relief if you were a Don Draper who tried to believe in monogamy than to be a Burlusconi with a hard core drive of believing in open relationships. There is such a disgusting insensitivity that has been there in some ways and is that bad. The piggish insensitivity makes a woman fall out of love with a man in a snap of a finger. Some men have killed me with the worst lies and worst vanities in favor of other women as if I were a willing one to open relationships and bisexuality where the woman's will to care matters more than the man's "on my end". If there were ever a more terrorizing lie, one of the most terrorizing was with the movie with Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem "Vicky Christina Barcelona." Some men have always wanted to put the worst lies and faults on me for their own ego sake. They will never own up to their short comings, faults, or fails. They have piggishly always made it on me. While I still have some common ground with the couple; it's heartbreaking in its own way that I have to hate them anyway because of the serious level of terror they brought over my life because of what some real truths are and the way they and others chose to take and mistake me. Some men have never emotionally understood me and the way that I feel. I feel David is a man who makes me victim to his own self deceit and he is still too late to know the way that he seriously needs to get me. I've already learned my lesson in putting myself to a man's mercy for the way he lies to himself, the way he wants to question and interrogate me. There can be no greater torture or torment at times. I know you're the one I'm being vulnerable with, and the credit goes to you..... I'm not entirely sure what is going on with Travis. He is definitely a more nice and friendly tyrant. But polygamist/ open relationship tyrant is the key word. He seriously sounds like a nice siren, but despite some emotional connection, I think he is going to be the same type of problem. .... Jack I don't know where you presently stand in your thoughts with relationships or how serious of a level of threat you are. You did leave a good impression on me though. I really like a lot of the Dead Weather songs. You're the wind beneath my wings and my hero. You are the reason of my Pyro in your own right. The totalitarianism, tyrants, Mr. Smiths, Don Drapers are killing me. They're killing me Jack. The Dead Weather is not dead like that.